I'm Ba-ack

I got some fantastic news today.  The Depends brand now makes adult diapers in peach.  Whew.  True, I'm not incontinent yet, but I did just turn 37 so it's nice to know there is now another color of adult diaper available.  I hope they take a cue from infant diapers and make a denim version.  I'd love to rock the Daisy Duke look.

Yeah, I'm finally feeling old.  Of course age is a matter of perspective.  I'm seven years older than my youngest brother and when I marveled to him a couple of days before my birthday I'd be turning thirty-seven, he patted me on the shoulder, looked me in the eye and said, "you've always been old to me, K."  Gotta love brothers.

And I've let myself go the past year which is the biggest reason I'm feeling old.  Middle-age spread and all that.  Starting my new business last spring distracted me from fitness and then traveling quite a bit over the summer added some vacation weight.  I suspect the anti-depressant I started taking after a bout with post-partum depression is making it extra hard for me to shake it.  I've weaned myself to a half dose, but it helps me sleep and I'd rather be a fat, happy, well-rested person than the skinny, anxious, insomniac I was 2 years ago.  (I'd be lying if I said I don't miss being a size 2 though.)  But, don't worry, I'm ready to start focusing on my triathlon training again.  I said I wouldn't let that goal slip away and I meant it.  I intend to participate in a triathlon in August 2012.

So I'm making working out and fueling my body properly a priority.  I'm not eating after 7pm, drastically reducing my daily sugar intake, and doing my damnest to work veggies or fruit into every meal.  I'm also going to work out 5-6 days a week.  My goal is to get my 5k time back to 9minute miles by Christmas and start swimming in January.  I also want to start posting at least once a week again to keep me accountable.


k

Life Is What Happens...

... to you while you are busy making other plans.

-John Lennon

Slight change of plans.

I am no longer aiming to complete a triathlon this year.

No worries, it's still a priority, I'm only pushing back the timeframe to make way for life.

My new business venture is going strong and hubby and I are vacationing in India for 2weeks this summer to celebrate the marriage of one of my brothers.  There is a lot happening right now I didn't foresee when I first constructed a timeline.  I decided not to stress about trying to fit in swimming and biking regimens.  I completed a half-marathon this year and that's good enough for now.

Seriously, I am still serious about it.  I have a friend competing in a triathlon this August and she invited me to train with her for next year.  That's the new goal for now.  I'll keep you updated as events unfold.

k 

I Earned a Medal! Sorta

Half-marathon complete.

When I crossed the finish line they gave me half a medal.  No joke.  Except it was funny.  Sorta.

My comedian appreciated the thought and the execution, but the athlete in me was pissed off.  I ran (well, jogged, but still...) 13miles!  In 2.5 hours!  That's an accomplishment.  But, it's not a marathon.  It's half a marathon so you get half a medal.  See?  Again, I'm torn between laughter and tears.  What did the 10k folks get?  In context, yes, it was a half-marathon.  But out of context, it's 13 fucking miles!  If you are bothering with medals, then give me a full medal rewarding the completion of my personal goal, not some snide reminder I didn't run another 13miles.  That's weird, right?

Anyway, it's over, it's done and I couldn't be happier about that.  I might run a half-marathon again, but not any time soon.  It was grueling.  I did a decent job pacing myself and, despite my lack of training, only had to walk for a short distance between miles 11 and 12 because of some muscle spasming.  I really, really wanted to say I jogged the entire thing, but I also didn't want to cross the finish line in an ambulance.  Speaking of which....

Around mile 8.5, close to the turnaround point, I saw a guy laid out on the side of the road with a small group of runners around him.  "Poor guy," I thought, "got a cramp or maybe fainted."  It was a reminder to keep carefully pacing myself, but nothing alarming.  However, since he was close to the turnaround, I ran by him again a short time later and this time closer.  I could see he was completely out of it and I heard an ambulance.  Then I realized someone was doing chest compressions on him.  That rattled me.  You don't do chest compressions on someone whose heart is beating.  So surreal.  It was one of the few beautiful mornings we've had this year and numerous spectators lined the course cheering their friends and family on.  A small, but enthusiastic (loud) group was only about 10yards up the road from the downed man.  I'm sure they had no idea.  Of course, I kept thinking of his family waiting for him at the finish.  And waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.  Sickening.

However, I'm assuming he made it because I paid close attention to the news the next two days and didn't hear anything.  Also, at the finish, I overheard a runner telling someone about a competitor who had a seizure and I'm thinking that was probably the man I saw.  Seizures are scary, but most of the time people make a full recovery.  I am praying that's what happened.



k

Are We Having Fun Yet?

No.

I ran 10 miles yesterday.  It was a beautiful day, perfect running weather, but it still sucked.  Really, wasn't pleasurable in the least.  I earned one brief runner's high, but it wasn't intense or long-lasting enough to make the other 9.7 miles worth it.  Maybe it has to do with how accelerated my training regime has been, I know I'm forcing it, or maybe 10k is my optimum distance, but I'm still regretting have signed up for this thing.  Just really want it to be over at this point.  And my times haven't been anything to brag about either.

You know what got me through it?  Have you seen 127 Hours yet?  I have.  If you live in a cave or Egypt then the following my be a spoiler for you so considered yourself warned.

*********************************************************************************

The dude cuts his arm off.  With a small multipurpose tool.  Using his non-dominant hand.  After 5 days stuck in a ravine with almost no food or water.  And THEN he hikes out of the canyon, even rappelling at points.  And THEN he climbs on to a rescue chopper of his own volition.  At least that's what happens in the movie.  I haven't read his book, a true story, but I hear the movie is faithful.

So whenever I started feeling sorry for myself while running I would repeat over and over in my head, "dude cut his arm off, dude cut his arm off, dude cut his arm off and then hiked out of a canyon."  It wasn't necessarily an empowering mantra, but it would shame me into not stopping..  I mean, the dude cut his arm off.  His own arm.  I think I can suck it up and run a few miles.

I did see one interesting thing during my 90minutes of running (told you my times suck); a man scolding a screaming parrot.  He was walking along a popular local path with the parrot sitting on his hand and it was screaming obnoxiously and he was yelling back at it, "no!  No!  You don't do that!  Stop that!"  Had it been later in my run, I may have thought "hallucination," but I was only 3 miles in and quite lucid.  Plus, I don't know if a hallucination would have been that bizarre.

Anyway, back on topic, for better or worse it will be all over by 10:30ish PST, Sunday May 1st.



k

WTF Did I Sign Up For?

Holy hell, 13 miles is fa... as in "fa, a long, long way to run."

I was cocky after completing that 10k in September.  What's another 7 miles, I thought?  I've already run half of that, how hard can it be?

Turns out, pretty fucking hard.

Damn you, endorphins!  You got me into this mess.

I finally got around to mapping out (not running, driving) 13 miles the other day and I wanted to cry when the odometer hit 6.5 and I realized how far away from my house I was.  When it finally clicked over to 13 at the top of my street, I about had a panic attack.  And I've only got 14 days more to train since I'm not going to run the two days before.  On Monday I ran just over 7.5 miles.  Today I did 10 miles on the elliptical.  I'd like to run the entire distance at least twice before my race (and, yes, I'm already registered so if I back out now that's $65 down the drain), but that's hard to imagine right now.

Wish me luck.


k

What Happened to Dolly?

I published, I thought, a post about why I love Dolly Parton.  Where oh where did it go?  Did anyone see it?  It was long.  I'm pissed.



k

I Am Prefect

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. 

Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I vividly remember a time in my high school theater class when we were doing one of those dramatic exercises where you pretend to be crazy things like popping corn or sizzling bacon.  I'd been active in drama for years before this class and had done this exercise dozens of times and always been uncomfortable with it.  It's hard to look cool (as if I ever looked cool) while blooming like a flower under a ray of sunshine.  However, on this particular occasion I happened to look around at the other kids and realized the only ones who actually looked uncool were the ones trying not to by refusing to participate or self-consciously half-assing it like myself.  The kids who just went for it looked ridiculous in all the right ways and were having a blast doing it.  At that moment I realized the coolest thing to do is not give a flying eff what anyone else thinks and I flopped to the ground and sizzled my little heart out.  Theater got a lot more fun after that.

Recently, I realized I was once again trying to look cool and putting a lot of pressure on myself to do something perfectly.  Well, guess what?  I did it and it wasn't perfect.  Surprise, surprise.  And you know what?  I lived.  And not only that, but the feedback I received was positive not only in spite of my imperfections, but because of my imperfections.  Turns out coming across as less than perfect makes you relatable and likeable.    

Next time you are pressuring yourself to be perfect remember how well that turned out for Nina in Black Swan.  Then take a deep breath and lighten up.

k

Me Write Like Confucius

Goals worth pursuing are hard work.  At times it will feel as though your effort produces nothing.  Other times success will seemingly fall into your lap.  Don't be fooled.  The windfall happened because you were shaking the tree.




k

Margaritas! Midriffs! Danger!

I bring my iPod to the Y so I watch a lot of closed captioned TV.  I recommend it.  The news is often frightening with the volume turned up, but it's HI-larious muted.

First of all, angry people look funny and there are a lot of angry people on CNN.  Secondly, the tickers and headlines--without any hard-hitting news (their words, not mine) to back them up--are knee-slappers.  Take, for instance, the title of this post.  Oh yes, I stole it word for word from a reputable news station (their words, not mine).  It's the first time I've ever knowingly plagiarized (although, I did graduate high school and college with honors so you do the math), but it's just the best damn title ever.  I didn't watch the story, but I think that for the best.

Next time the news is bumming you out turn off the sound, turn on the captions, turn up your iPod, and enjoy the show.



k

Little Asian Ladies

Every time I think I've seen it all, I walk in the sauna and see a little more.

I've been frequenting the Y's steam room and sauna.  I think it's safe to say I'm in love.  It's heavenly to just sit there and sweat in the steam and then relax in the dry heat of the sauna.  Except... the sauna isn't always that relaxing.  You see, there's this gang of little Asian ladies....

Ok, referring to them as a gang is perhaps an exaggeration.  "Pack" may be a better term.  There is one descriptor I left out though.  I should have written little, naked, Asian ladies.  Because they are all naked all the time.  Completely naked.

I'm no prude, but the first time I went to the sauna I was with a good friend and, in the middle of our conversation (with low voices so as to be considerate, of course), we were interrupted by a little, naked, Asian lady slapping her belly, thighs, and crotch.  It was a tad distracting, to say the least.  I have since been told the slapping helps increase blood flow, BUT, and this is a saggy butt, is it necessary to slap your naked, sweaty body while standing 3 feet away from total strangers?

If you answered "yes" to that question, I must assume you are a little, naked, Asian lady.

It's not only the nudity that is off-putting though.  They act like they own the place and they will chastise you, loudly, if you break any of the rules.  Off course, they do this naked.  Let me tell you, I watch my step in that locker room.  I do not want, under any circumstances, to ever be sternly told by a little, naked, Asian lady that I am not wearing proper shower shoes.  I admit, however, I do immensely enjoy watching others being told off by little, naked, Asian ladies: 1) because it's funny and 2) because I hate when people break rules that are really just common-sense considerations.  OF COURSE you shouldn't shave in the steam room!  Yuck.  If you do that you deserve to get told off by the gang of little, naked, Asian ladies.

So it's the last part of this post that's been holding me up.  I've written the following a few times, a few different ways and I'm still not convinced I'm doing the scenario justice, but I just gotta move on.

One Sunday night, about an hour before the Y closed, I was one of only a few women in the "adults only" ladies locker room housing the steam room and sauna.  I was able to undress with no one else around and, for the first time, I had the steam room all to myself the entire 20 minutes I was in there.  Fabulous.

When I left the steam room, there was still no one around so I sat for a few minutes cooling off with my towel wrapped around me, taking deep breaths, inhaling the luxurious silence.  I decided to finish off with a session in the sauna.  I suppose I shouldn't have assumed it would also be empty, but I did.

The sauna is a small, rectangular room, maybe 6' x 12'?  Something like that.  There is a two-tiered wooden bench running the length of the room.  The sauna door is on one end of the opposite side so when you open it, you are facing the benches. The bottom bench is about 2 feet off the ground and the top bench about 5 feet.  I'm 5'3.

On this fateful night, I opened the door to the sauna and, about 2 feet in front of me and 3 feet to my left, at eye level, was a splayed, naked, lady's crotch.  That's right.  One of the little Asian ladies was lying on her back, on the top bench, facing the door, with her legs wide apart.  AND she was doing pelvic thrusts.  Completely naked.

I kid you not.

I was shocked.  But, I guess because I've grown, if not fond of them, at least used to the little, naked, Asian ladies, I didn't bat an eye.  I walked right in, climbed up on the bench next to her and laid down on the opposite side with my head about 18 inches from her feet.  I closed my eyes, thought, "fuck it," and for the first time ever in any public place, unwrapped my towel.  I was lying there, completely naked, for anyone and everyone who decided to come into the sauna to see.  It was exhilarating.  I figured, with my friend in here doing her nude sex exercise, who in the world is going to pay any attention to me anyway?

So the two of us hung out together completely naked for about 10 minutes until she left.  When she did, I was tempted to cover myself back up with my towel, but I didn't.  It may not seem like much to any of you who don't mind being naked in public, but it was a big step for me.  Little, naked, Asian ladies liberated me.

For that, I thank them.



k

13 Miles and Counting

I registered for my first-ever half-marathon today.  I'm committed now.  No backing out, no excuses.  I mean, sure, yeah, technically, I can change my mind, but that would be $70 down the drain and money is too precious these days to flush it away.

I'm not that worried about it actually.  I ran half the distance yesterday so I've already completed a quarter-marathon.  Hmm... I like that.  That sounds a lot cooler than 6.5miles.

Now I am in serious need of new running shoes.  I've had all my toenails for over 6 months and I'd like to keep it that way.  If you haven't already, you should pause a moment today, and give thanks for your toenails.

I know, I know, I still owe you Little Asian Ladies.  I am working on it, but I've got a block for some reason and I want to do it justice.  Art takes time, folks.


k

My Bad

Um, yeah, so I realize it's been almost a month since I've posted.  I know it looks bad, but actually I've been working out training 6 days a week since the first of the year.  I haven't been writing anything about it because I've been busy starting up a business.  That's going spectacularly well and needs my attention, but I don't want to let this blog go by the way side.  I've got a few drafts I'm working on here and there and I intend to get at least one of them up this coming week.  Stay tuned for Little Asian Ladies....

k

Hot Mama

I went to my first-ever hot yoga class last night.  I've taken a few yoga classes here and there so I was familiar with some of the poses and concepts.  There are many types of yoga though and each one has it's own particularities.  Take the breathing for instance.  All 3 types of yoga I've practiced--hatha, kundalini, and Birkram--believe in cleansing breaths, but differ in their recommendations on how to take them.  At some points last night I thought perhaps I'd be better off completely ignorant.  Un-learning something is disorienting.  So is contorting your body in a room heated to 100+ degrees, full of half-naked strangers.

During the class the instructor encouraged, "avoid being critical of yourself.  This is the practice of yoga.  You do not have to do it perfectly."  Wow.  What a profoundly freeing thought especially if you apply that same concept to life in general; it's all practice, baby, so bring it on!

If you are thinking of trying hot yoga, go for it.  It is no-joke hot so eat light and hydrate yourself all day, bring twice as much water as you normally consume during a workout, and be prepared to soak-through-all-your-clothes-dripping-in-your-eyes sweat.  In the beginning it's relaxingly toasty.  In the middle it's refreshingly detoxifying.  Near the end it's uncomfortably intense, but then it's time for finishing poses and finally sweet, sweet shavasana.  Overall an enjoyable experience which is fortunate because I got a great deal on Groupon for ten 90-min sessions so that means I've paid for 9 more.  I'm thinking I'll go at least once a week this month so as to get in the groove.  Now I'll know what to expect, not just the practice, but also the logistics like where to park and where the best spots are (in the back by the windows).

Namaste.

Me after Bikram yoga.

k



  

No More Working Out

I'm not working out any more.

From now on I'm "in training."

Ha!  You didn't think I was quitting did you?  No way, Jose.  I'm still 100% committed to completing a triathlon this year.  That's why I now consider myself "in training" rather than merely "working out."  A distinction of semantics* perhaps, but meaningful to me.

I've altered my goals slightly.  I decided to run my first half-marathon in early May so my first triathlon will now be in mid-June to give me time to recover.


k

*When I first typed "semantics" I spelled it "symantecs" and was genuinely puzzled when spell check underlined it.  I was sure that's how it's spelled.  And it is.  Symantec is a software manufacturing company.   I'll bet you've heard of it too because,  apparently, their marketing is so prevalent their name etched in my brain deeply enough to erase and replace an actual word.



k